Last week I decided to one-up new year’s resolutions and create a list of “Forty-Five Things” that I want to do in 2024, the year that I turn 45. Sure, I had an elevated mood*, but also it seemed like a really fun way to create goals and do some things for myself this year.
I’m a single-mom by choice of a three-year-old, very spirited and intense child. For the last 4 years I have done nothing but live for this child. She is the love of my life and has taken up every ounce of my energy, love and frustration. This past summer and fall I had a bipolar episode, which I haven’t had in almost a decade (I actually thought I was cured for a brief time, but I guess that’s not a thing). It was out-of-the-blue and was exacerbated by an intense life event that I don’t really want to think about ever again (although I do and will). Everything I had went to my daughter and the rest went to getting healthy again. It took an immense amount of work and support from health professionals, friends, family and my co-workers. Along with my mental health I also had some serious physical health issues that were likely left over from my difficult pregnancy and even more difficult birth of my daughter. Pregnancy is hard, no joke, and no one should be forced to remain pregnant. But that’s another issue for another time.
Thanks to this time of healing, I got to realign my mind, body and spirit into one synchronized unit once again. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that. Probably since I was on maternity leave, where I felt like I had balance. Going back to work was extremely difficult and was made more difficult with an abusive boss who essentially wanted me to quit because I’m a strong woman who wanted to be a thoughtful, creative and forward-thinking leader. After I cried every day after work for a few months, he got his wish and I quit my job to move to a healthier work environment. It has made all the difference and knowing that I am supported has made everything easier to get back to being healthy.
All of this led to this Forty-Five Things project. I figure why don’t I write about it? I love to write, even though I think I suck and constantly why anyone would read anything I have to say. But I’ve always wrote. Even when I was a kid. My grandma had a typewriter that I used to sit down and type out “stories” as young as 4-years-old. The stories were just random letters on a page. It drove my family crazy to have me click-clacking on that typewriter for hours for no real reason other than it felt like the right thing to do.
The Forty-Five Things project is a perfect way to bring together my self-expansion project and my re-ignited love of writing. I thought, “Why not put it in this website that has been dormant for the better part of seven years?” For seven years I’ve been paying for this website, but haven’t used it. A few months ago my therapist asked me when I was going to write my book. I was like, “Uhhh… what do you mean?” She said that I’m obviously a writer and she’d like to read my book when I wrote it. It was this “aha” moment for me and I was like, “Yeah! I’m going to write a book!” It seems so easy, but IT. IS. NOT. So I’m taking little steps and moving towards that goal slowly.
This project is being helped along due to a book I’m reading “Better than Before,” by Gretchen Rubin, a guru of self-discovery projects. This book is about habits and it has been so helpful for me to just reflect on my own habits and how I want incorporate my habits into my life. Writing is a habit I want to nurture into something meaningful for me.
Last week I asked my friends on social media about things I put on my “Forty-Five Things” list. Most people know me on social media as someone who thinks outside of social norms and I have some very creative friends. I had so many suggestions, some which are totally doable like learn to juggle, to things that are scary like join a band, to things that are pretty impossible in my life right now like “travel around the world.” I took every suggestion under advisement and started writing the list in my journal. For the next year, I’ll probably only talk about my list and my kid to my friends and family, and that will probably drive them crazy! I’m cool with that because I also know that my friends and family have always supported me on my crazy experiences and journeys. The list isn’t done, but I’m already started on several, including “Read 45 books” and “Paint a watercolour painting.” Everything on the list has some sort of stipulation. For example, the watercolour painting has to be something beautiful that I will frame and put on my wall and the books I read can be all types, including audiobooks and books of poetry.
On this website-blog thingy I’ll write weekly updates for my project. Today will be the intro, next week will be the list of the forty-five things (I’m short a couple and need to think a bit more), an update on the projects that I’ve started and even the books that I’ve been reading (I’m hoping to finish 2 this week as I have to read an average of four a month for the year).
Thank you for reading and I hope that if you choose to follow me on this journey that you will leave a comment. Although, only nice ones please. Kthnks.
~ Crystal
* One day I’ll write about my mood disorder, but not right now.